Feelin' Good
by NonTimetisMessor
Summary: It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, And I'm feelin' good. AU after episode 4x19. Bonnie goes to Rebekah with a request.
1. Introduction

A/N

Disclaimer: Don't own TVD just like to play in the universe.  
Here I am with another fic. I really need to finish work on my others and I haven't even started on my Arrow fic yet beyond outline and research. So this is another product of a mind deprived of sleep. This fic starts right after episode 4x19. The only thing that has changed is that Klaus left right after he gave the dress to Caroline for New Orleans. If you like it let me know if you want me to continue the story.

Feelin' Good

Intro

"Rebekah I want you to kill me," she said. Rebekah had been sitting in her home drinking alone. Nik had left her again after the failure of searching for Katherine and getting the cure and now Elijah had accidently given the cure to Silas. Her blond hair curtained her face as she continued to look into the glass.

"Did you hear me," she said again.

"Yes dear I heard you and no I am not going to kill you because your little friends will come here and kill me," Rebekah said leaning back in the Louis XIV chair. The chair creaked and groaned under her weight.

"Yes but it's not like you have anything to live for," she said. Rebekah growled.

"Don't push me dear. I haven't forgotten what you and your little friends did to Kol," she ground out through her teeth. She hadn't moved from reclining in the chair.

"That's why you should kill me. It would hurt Elena immensely," she said walking over to the bar and pouring herself a drink.

"Dear if you haven't noticed Elena is running around without her humanity so I doubt she would give a damn," Rebekah sighed.

"Yes but when she gets it back and knowing Stefan and Damon she will, then she will hurt even more knowing that her brother and her best friend died," she said. She walked over to the chair opposite Rebekah and sat down. Rebekah knew that she had a point about that. If anyone could get that slag's humanity back quickly before she did too much damage it was those two idiots. She also had the point that she could get revenge for Kol and Finn even if Finn had conspired with their mother to kill them.

"Why do you want to die? I thought you wanted to bring back the hunter by pulling down the veil," Rebekah said and then took a sip of her drink.

"Because if you didn't realize that would require me unleashing untold amounts of supernaturals on earth," she said and Rebekah caught her grimacing as she took a sip of her drink.

"That can't be the real reason witch. If you really want me to kill you than tell me the truth," Rebekah said. They were silent for a long time. So long that both had poured and emptied two glasses of the Glenfidditch scotch. It wasn't the best but it felt nice to feel it burn all the way down into her belly.

"I'm tired Rebekah," she said so quietly that if Rebekah wasn't a vampire she would not have heard it over the crackling of the fire.

"Tired of what," Rebekah said standing up and going to the bar to retrieve the bottle to fill hers and Bonnie's glasses.

"I don't want to fight anymore. I've lost my grandmother, my mother and the boy I loved to this life. Both my friends are vampires and I abused my powers to the point that I lost them and now I have this power that all it wants to do is set everything on fire and I've been seeing Silas. He comes to me with Jeremy's face and tries to get me to pull down the veil," Bonnie said. Rebekah was impressed that Bonnie had made it through that speech without a single slur because her face was shiny with sweat from the alcohol and her eyes were slightly unfocused.

"I'm tired too," Rebekah said. She was tired. She wanted to be normal with a normal human life and that's why she wanted the cure.

"So will you kill me," Bonnie asked shyly.

"I don't know honestly. You really never did anything directly to me but I still hate you and your friends," Rebekah said.

"You're right I never did anything directly to you. I never betrayed you and stabbed you in the back. I wasn't the one that killed either of your brothers. I don't think I ever attacked you directly with my powers. So you really have no reason to hate me except for my friends and killing me would be a huge direction in getting revenge on them," Bonnie said receiving her fourth glass of scotch. She downed the glass this time. The liquid was giving her courage to persuade Rebekah and finally face her death.

"Your father and mother aren't dead," Rebekah said turning around to filling Bonnie's glass again for the fifth time.

"My mother left me twice because she couldn't deal. My father this year decided to take an interest in my life because he felt compelled to spend a little bit of time with me before I graduated high school and was off to college. So they aren't going to miss me," Bonnie said licking her lips as she sipped on the fifth glass. Her head was starting to swim and the heat from the fireplace was starting to get to her. Her toes were tingling.

"Why not ask Nik to kill you, love" Rebekah said watching as Bonnie drank her fifth glass. Rebekah offered to pour her some more but Bonnie declined another glass. Bonnie got up and poured herself water from the pitcher. It cleared her head and she felt refreshed.

"Klaus isn't around and you and I know he would try to use me against my friends by trying to exploit my powers before he killed me and honestly he repulses me," Bonnie said.

"Nik has been rather bad lately in the female department. No offense but I don't see why he likes your little slag friend," Rebekah said.

"Rebekah," Bonnie said attempting to admonish her.

"Sorry love. Here I will make you a deal. You go home sleep on it and come back to me tomorrow and if you still want to die I will gladly snap your neck," Rebekah said.

"Why not tonight," Bonnie said.

"Because dear, tonight you are sad and pathetic and believe it or not, I admire the fierceness you have especially when you put my brothers in their places. For me to accept you making this decision I need you to be sober and proud to accept your death. Dying on your feet was a big thing for my people," she said. They were silent again for a long time. Bonnie got up when she didn't feel her head swimming. She could make it home before something happened and tomorrow she could come back with a clear head and die on her feet like a true warrior.

"I will see you tomorrow, Rebekah," she said pausing at the front door and she left before she could here Rebekah's reply.

Bonnie climbed into her blue Prius and turned it on. She had Nina Simone's greatest hits playing over the speakers. She sang along to I Put a Spell on You, Ain't Got No, I Got Life and when she got to Feeling Good she cranked it up to max and belted out. She didn't see the deer till it hit her windshield and the car rolled over several times before stopping.

Bonnie Sheila Bennett closed her eyes in death on April 30th, 2013 and didn't open them till she was in the morgue and the haunting voice of Nina Simone singing

_It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me,  
And I'm feelin' good_

Still ringing in her ears on May 1st, 2013.

A/N

There is a reason why I chose to say the dates of Bonnie's death and undeath. If you know anything you would know that Beltane is celebrated on those two dates by Wiccans. It is one of two spirit days where the veil between the spirit world and the material world is thin. The other being Samhain or Halloween.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N

Disclaimer: Don't own TVD just like to play in the universe. 

Chapter 1

Her body felt like little needles were poking her over and over again on her skin. She groaned to help her relieve the pain. Then she felt cold and hot all over. And there were voices everywhere around her. So much noise and so much light. The light was disorienting and she was hungry. She was so hungry she could feel the bile burning in her throat and in her chest. She sat up and felt the sheet slide off her body. The room spun as she got off the hard table. Then she smelled it the most delicious smell she could ever smell coming from the small office in the corner. She focused on the smell and everything else faded away. She heard the steady beating that delivered that delicious smell. She stumbled her way towards the smell.

Larry had his ipod in while he was filing paper work. He had to get the mayor's daughter decently ready for her family and friends to view her dead body. Poor thing she was such a pretty young thing but not very smart if she was drinking and driving so late at night on Rte 98 but there was at least one on prom night. The girl was born and raised in these parts and she knew deer liked to run around at night away from predators. He picked off the scab from the knick he got from shaving this morning. It started to bleed again and he went to get a tissue to stop the bleeding. He didn't want it dripping down his shirt. He was listening to Kiss and he didn't hear the growl from behind him and he didn't feel when he was knocked into the filing cabinet because he went unconscious.

The pudgy man was knocked out now and she could still smell the delicious smell. She crouched down over him and sank her teeth into the soft neck and took as much blood as she could but it didn't stop the hunger. Then she turned his head and kissed him on the lips and started breathing in the light that was coming from his body and slowly the hunger was burning away.

Damon and Stefan each had an arm on a reluctant Katherine lite on their way to the morgue. After she had attacked Bonnie at prom and Bonnie almost killed her, they had shot her up with vervain and locked her in the cell. Around 4 in the morning, Damon had gotten a phone from Liz with a screaming Caroline in the background. Caroline was screaming bloody murder and it made it hard for Damon to understand what Liz was saying till he hung up the phone.

Bonnie Bennett was dead.

Ding Dong the witch was dead. Dammit Bonnie, he thought. She had died from a car crash what a pussy way for such a fiery person to die. He shot out of bed and made his way towards Stefan's room. He opened the door and found his brother sitting at his desk writing in his journal.

"No time for scrapbooking, I just found out the witch is dead," Damon said.

"What? How did that happen," Stefan said alarmed as he paused in his writing.

"Drunk driving and a car crash," Damon said crossing his arms over his chest.

"No that can't be right. Bonnie would never drink and drive," Stefan said.

"We both know that the witch hasn't been in her right mind since she got off that island and I guess tonight pushed her to the limit. Her best friend did try to kill her and she almost killed said best friend," Damon said.

"Who told you," Stefan said grabbing his phone and looking to see if he missed any calls.

"Liz and if you're looking for calls from Vampire Barbie don't waste your time. She was there in the background screaming bloody murder about Bonnie being dead. Listen, I think we should show, Elena her best friend's dead body," Damon said.

"Why on God's green earth would we do that Damon," Stefan said disgusted.

"Because brother, the witch was like her sister and seeing her dead would probably help in getting her humanity back." Stefan couldn't deny that it was a sound plan to get Elena's humanity back but the thought of seeing Bonnie like a lifeless doll left a bad taste in his mouth.

"I don't know Damon, she was hating Bonnie earlier tonight so it might not work," Stefan said.

"But it's still a chance we need to take," Damon said. They stayed silent for a few seconds.

"I am going to do it regardless of what you say," Damon said standing up and heading towards the door.

"Fine, I'll help," Stefan said.

So they got Elena from the cell and she woke up half way to the hospital and now she was putting up a fight to morgue.

"That bitch tried to kill me assholes, why the fuck do I want to see her dead body," Elena growled out.

"You tried to kill her first and you love her why wouldn't you want to see her—" Stefan paused in his sentence as the coppery smell hit him full force as they entered into the morgue. The lights were flickering. They heard sighing and a bright pulsing blue light coming from the office in the back. That also was where the smell of blood was coming from.

"Stay here Elena," Damon said as he got a face full of blood. The brothers sped to the office and stopped so suddenly that they felt like they hit a barrier. There was a naked Bonnie covered in blood straddling the morgue attendant while breathing in a bluish light that came from his body. They could hear his heart beat slowing down.

Damon lunged at Bonnie and she tried to fight him off while he dragged her off the body. Stefan rushed to the man's side and fed him blood and quickly compelled him to forget everything that happened and to go home.

Bonnie struggled in Damon's arms and bit and scratched him and tried to lunge at the attendant again. She was like a wild animal finally she kicked him in the nuts and he loosened his grip and she was able to get away but before she could, Elena snuck behind her and snapped her neck.

"I thought you idiots said she was dead," she said.

"Elena what have you done," Stefan said as he watched Bonnie's body slide to the floor.

"What Stefan? Damon couldn't control her and you're useless," She said inspecting her nails. She had never looked so much like Katherine more than at that moment.

Stefan grabbed Bonnie and picked her up and placed her on the autopsy table.

"Gotta admit Witchy has a nice pair on her," Damon said struggling to get up from the floor. She had kicked him like a horse and she was so strong for a young vampire.

"I need to call Caroline and get her down here," Stefan said getting out his phone.

After three rings, Caroline answered sniffling. "Hello," she said tearfully.

"Caroline I need you to come to the morgue. Bonnie isn't dead—"

"What the hell do you mean she isn't dead? My mom was there when the paramedics pronounced it," she yelled.

"Bonnie apparently died with vampire blood in her system and she's transitioned—"

"Bonnie would never transition into a vampire," she yelled again and Stefan heard her getting into the car.

"I don't think she was conscience of the choice because we found her feeding on Larry the morgue attendant. Just get here as quick as you can," Stefan said hanging up the phone before Caroline replied.

Elena had went and sat on the roller chair near the desk in the corner and propped up her heels. The brothers just stood there looking down at Bonnie. Stefan's friend and Damon's frenemy had now transitioned to a vampire.

"Hey necrophilliacs maybe you should cover her up before Caroline gets here," Elena said from the corner. Stefan turned his head in shame when he registered Elena's words. Damon just raked the vitch's body. Stefan got the sheet from the other end of the room and covered Bonnie's body.

"You know what I want to know—" Damon started.

"Who gave her vampire blood and killed her," Stefan cut in.

"Well that too but what the hell was that blue light we saw her breathing in," Damon said picking up the sheet again to look at the vitch's body. He had to admit to himself that now he understood why little Gilbert was so hot to get her back. She was in great shape but she was still soft and round in her hips and her breast. Stefan slapped his hand and Damon dropped the sheet.

"Don't disrespect her dead body," Stefan said.

"News flash she is only unconscious and everyone in this room is undead," Damon said sneering.

"Damon, Bonnie wouldn't like it," Stefan said in a whisper.

"Witchy's a vampire now and she could stand to loosen up," Damon said moving over to another steel table and sitting down.

"Damon you and I saw her. She was like a wild animal—"

"Scared you're going to have to put her down like she has rabies," Damon smirked.

"I'll do it," Elena voiced from the corner while she spun around in the chair.

"If you touch her I will put you down and I don't care if I have to go through Stefan and Damon to do it," Caroline snarled as she entered the room. The threat sounded off because Caroline's nose was stuffy from her crying. Elena stopped spinning and smiled and chuckled in Caroline's direction.

"Ooo is that a threat," Elena crooned.

"No it's a promise you evil whore," Caroline said.

"Now Caroline, I thought I was your best friend," Elena said smirking.

"What the fuck is she doing here," Caroline said turning to Stefan.

"Damon and I felt that if Elena saw the dead body of her best friend it might lead Elena to turning her humanity back on," Stefan said.

"And as you see it didn't work so can I go now," Elena said in bored tone.

"No," from all three.

Caroline hadn't approached the table yet. She didn't want to believe it when her mom had come home and told her that Bonnie had died in a car accident. Stefan looked at Caroline and saw that she had dried blood on her face and her hair was a bird's nest like she had pulled out clumps of her hair. Her eyes were red rimmed with shed tears and she looked rumpled. Stefan had never seen her like this even when he had found her in the carnival escaped from the hospital. She had never looked like this. She had a wild gleam in her eye. It looked similar to when Elena had finally accepted Jeremy's death and started pouring lighter fluid all over the house.

He walked over and gave her a hug. She jumped slightly at his touch.

"I hope you didn't think of switching it off," Stefan said. She continued to look at Bonnie's body.

"I thought about it but I knew she would never want me to do that. And then I started thinking about her and everything we have been through even with that one in the corner and I…and I…," and a strangled sound escaped out of her throat.

"She's really dead Stefan. My best friend was dying and I wasn't there. I couldn't save her," Caroline sobbed into his shoulder. Stefan's heart hurt because he knew that Bonnie was a force of nature and the town's patron goddess and he knew down in his soul that they had driven her to this. Damon wanted to disregard Barbie's tears but he swallowed it down with the pain because now who was going to stand up to him and put him in his place. Even Elena paused in her spinning and stared at the body on the table. She remembered everything Bonnie had given up for her but the feelings attached to them was distorted like the white crackling static of a radio that couldn't get the station in properly. She felt the static clear up for a second and she heard, Sister clear as if someone had shouted it in her face. She quickly blinked away that moment of pain from cold lifeless brown eyes.

"We need to tell her dad," Caroline said. She stepped out of Stefan's arms and walked over to Bonnie's body. She started petting her hair and humming.

"No we need to get her to the boarding house because after the way she acted earlier we might need to contain her," Damon said.

"We can't steal my best friend's body from the morgue—" Caroline said.

"We didn't with Elena—"

"We knew Elena was going to wake up but nobody knows Bonnie is a vampire now," Caroline said.

"So we do a bit of retconning later today with your mom and her dad but that doesn't change the fact that she needs to be contained. You weren't here when she was feeding Barbie," Damon said wistfully.

"Stefan you can't allow this," Caroline said turning to Stefan in a strangled watery sob.

"Caroline, Damon's right. You weren't here when we found her feeding. When Damon grabbed her off of the guy she turned into a snarling beast. Please just let us take her to the boarding house and when she wakes up we'll decide what to do," Stefan said pleading at her in soft tones.

"Fine but I don't want the pod person anywhere near her," Caroline said.

"As if I want to see a repeat of vampire soft core porn," Elena said snooping in the files opened on the desk.

"What," Caroline said.

"She means that Bonnie was naked covered in blood and she was fighting. Some vampires find that sexy," Damon said.

"Gross, Damon," Caroline said.

"I never said it was me. She was biting and scratching the shit out of me and she managed to kick me like a horse in the family jewels," Damon said adjusting himself in memory of the pain.

Caroline laughed, "I am liking vampire Bonnie already."

"Laugh it up blondie," Damon growled.

"Okay enough. We need to get Bonnie to the boarding house before she wakes up and the sun comes up," Stefan said gathering the sheet around Bonnie's small form and picking her up.

"Damon take Elena in your car and I will go with Caroline in hers," Stefan said.

They left the morgue in silence.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N

Disclaimer: Don't own TVD just like to play in the universe.

Oh my god thank you everyone for your support on this story.

Bamon100: Thank you. Nice idea but Bonnie is the only witch they know except for maybe Lucy and I doubt she would be willing to help.

TVD: Bonnie is both suicidal and not. Remember what she told Kol when she trapped him down there with her body. I really believe her giving up her life for Jeremy was to give him another chance at life, give him back to Elena, atone for her sins of pulling down the veil, and trying to have some type of agency as the weapon that everyone wants to get their hands on. While I am a huge Bamon supporter, I really don't have any idea of who Bonnie would end up with.

BBx: I hope this satisfies your curiosity but if it doesn't I have some other things planned especially with her coming to terms with her new vampirism and Silas. Ah Silas, the love of my life, he looks like Stefan but has the attitude of Damon. Not that Damon isn't extremely attractive I have a preference for Stefan. Okay and dreaming off.

Booklover88: Thank you and here is an update. When I started this story, I just kept writing.

APeaceOfPie4Everybody011: Hmm maybe...but that is the beauty of spirit days anything is possible and like Damon said in season 5 that is the beauty of Bonnie magic.

Babydoll450: Thank you very much. Well I wrote Bonnie's interaction with Rebekah semi vague because it was from the perspective of two sad, drunk girls wallowing in their misery and I don't know about you but with that combination things tend to get skewed. To answer your question Yes it was Rebekah she put her own blood in the bottle when she went and grabbed it and then again when she turned around to pour Bonnie her fifth glass to make sure it was in her. I don't want to say too much but when Bonnie confronts Rebekah you will get her reasoning for doing it.

Monroe: Thank you! Never had anyone call me a genius before. Like Klaus there is going to be a significant learning curve. Don't worry Katherine Lite will get hers. While I like/dislike Jeremy I haven't decided yet. He made me want to strangle him during ghost world and I wanted to slap Bonnie for being stupid when he came back from Colorado and then again when Beremy happened in season 5 and especially that shit with Liv. Flirting is harmless but when you don't trust your partner especially when they have proven to you that they are untrustworthy then that flirting isn't so harmless. So I don't approve of their relationship similar to how I don't approve of Delena, epic Shakespearean tragedy that tilts their world off its axis because of forcing something but that is probably my Bamon heart showing.

hellothere: Thank you. Yes I will deal with a lot stuff in up coming chapters. This chapter is filler but important filler. Bonnie has always been the one to sweep aside the personal in order to get things done but I promise we will get to see Bonnie truly truly dealing with her unlife and like you I root for Bamon and Steroline but we'll see. Yes Matt and Tyler will make an appearance as well as Rebekah. I like the richness all three characters have but then again I hate the untapped potential in those characters.

Guest: Thank you. I am a huge admirer of the 50 shades of Red fic and all of the fics by LapisLove and I love the friendship that Bonnie has with Rebekah in that. I often thought Rebekah and Bonnie would make great friends.

Chapter 2

Caroline had washed her up, brushed her hair and laid her down in one of the guest bedrooms. They knew the minute she was conscious because the wind outside had picked up and the lights in the boarding house started flickering and all the candles and fireplace flared to life. There was a static charge in air that crawled over their skin and covered them like humidity in the summer making them feel heavy and sluggish.

When she groaned everything stopped and there was no sound; no movement, no breathing. Caroline and Stefan watched her like a cat would a mouse as they watched her take off her clothes. They couldn't move. When Damon arrived they were knocked out of their trance.

The millisecond she was conscious in her body she knew something was wrong. Her body inside felt impossibly endless and there was no end or edge to her. She, her id, her ego, whatever felt like it was stuck under a spotlight and surrounded by crushing darkness that was pressing her from all sides. Then she felt her other senses waking up and providing boundaries and more lights. Her skin was first because she could feel soft cotton sheets that felt…that felt…scratchy well maybe they weren't so soft. The pajamas on her body felt stiff and hard and so uncomfortable. She wiggled her fingers testing them out and she worked them to slip off her clothing. Then her nose picked up the smell of jasmine from the pillow. Her ears heard the sounds of silence; heartbeats, the creaking of floor boards, strange she didn't have wood floors in her room. Then the hunger was there burning her insides to ash. She groaned and sat up and rubbed her face with her hands. Then she realized she wasn't alone when she looked over and found three sets of eyes looking at her. She screamed. They screamed. The light bulb in the lamp near her burst and scared her.

She fell out of the bed.

Caroline was the first to rush over.

"Bonnie oh my god, are you okay," she said bending down to help her up and she gasped when Bonnie turned her eyes on her. Caroline, after she had become a vampire had always liked the way Bonnie's green eyes would go from dark emerald with specks of gold to hazel depending on which mood struck her. Now her right eye was a green so light it was mint and her left eye was a sky blue and so similar to Damon's it was eerie. The effect on Bonnie's face made her look blind and Caroline found it hard to stare at her in the eyes.

"Am I okay? Caroline why are you in my bedroom trying to give me a heart attack," She said turning to her best friend and then she stopped.

"What the fuck are you two doing here," Bonnie said growling.

"Bonnie, Bonnie what's the last thing you remember," Caroline's voice broke through her red haze. The brothers noticed that the whites of her eyes turned black and her eyes had turned silver and looked like mercury swirling and bubbling in a cauldron.

"Uh..what," Bonnie huffed out.

"What's the last thing you remember sweetie," Caroline said in a soft tone. She maneuvered Bonnie to the bed and sat her down.

"I…I…was sitting at home taking off my prom dress crying," Bonnie said.

"Why were you crying sweetie," Caroline asked softly.

"I almost killed Elena but I didn't mean to Care. She attacked me and all…and all I wanted to do was to break every single bone in her body and watch her hurt like she hurt me," Bonnie said in a sob hugging Caroline.

"Bonnie it wasn't your fault. You lost control of the magic," Caroline said. Damon and Stefan, well mostly Stefan with stupid asinine comments from Damon had filled her on what happened between Bonnie and Elena. Damon and Stefan only looked on as Caroline hugged and soothed Bonnie; running her fingers over her bare back and over her long hair. Damon smirked at the scene they were creating, of course he would have replaced Caroline with Elena but beggars can't be choosers. He felt the lust spread through him like the hot water of a bath over his skin. He was warm.

Stefan watched Caroline's hand run up and down Bonnie's back and he licked his lips to stop the dryness that was spreading in his mouth. The ripper, inside him rattled at the bars inside his mind and demanded that he rip the girl to shreds and consume her.

"Care I'm hungry," Bonnie said in a childish whispered. Bonnie had smelled something delicious coming from Damon and Stefan and this horrible ache had awakened in her. Then she felt the heat of her best friend's body and the softness of her skin. Bonnie leaned back her head and stared at her best friend and then leaned forward and kissed her full on the lips. Caroline was so surprised that she tried to break the kiss but Bonnie gripped the back of her skull and forced her mouth open. Bonnie was searching inside of her looking for it. She had no idea what it was named but there it was; so bright and happy. She saw the time when her, Elena and Caroline had gone to the Lockwood Estate with Matt, Tyler and Jeremy and they had a fort war; girls vs. boys. She leaned back and opened her mouth and brought the pinkish light out. She felt the light seeping inside her with every gulp of air. No I need it more than air, she thought. Then she opened her eyes and saw Caroline her skin slowly turning grey as if she was desiccating right before her eyes. Her sister was dying registered in her mind.

"No" she screamed and pushed Caroline to the bed and leaped to the other side of the night table and started to cry.

She still hadn't noticed she was naked.

Stefan rushed over to Caroline and checked to see if she was still alive and he couldn't believe it because no lie, Caroline had a smile on her face. Whatever Bonnie had done was pleasurable.

"Bonnie, Bonnie," Stefan said approaching her slowly like a scared deer.

"Bonnie she's fine. She's still alive," he said in those low tones. Caroline groaned and shifted on the bed. She mumbled something that sounded like, 'did we win…' She sat up and shook her head. Her head felt like she had drunk two whole bottles of tequila with whiskey chasers after every shot. Her body had electricity shooting up and down her nerve endings. She almost thought she had been healing from being sprayed in the face with vervain but whatever caused her to end up healing was so good for her that it left her feeling more alive than ever. It wasn't like a shot of coffee or the thrill of almost dying or the thrill of catching your prey. She felt like everything in her body was alive and jumping to attention.

"Ugh…what happened," Caroline said.

"She was feeding on you," Stefan said turning his head to Caroline.

"But I don't remember her sinking her teeth in. I just remember hugging her while she was crying and her saying she was hungry and then…and then," Caroline said trying to remember.

"She kissed you like there was no tomorrow, Barbie. So tell me you kissed a girl, did you like it," Damon said still observing from his post on the door frame.

"But how was she feeding on me," Caroline asked ignoring him.

"She kissed you and then she leaned back and brought out this pink light from your mouth and she started absorbing it," Stefan said. Bonnie was still crying barely listening to the conversation.

"She wasn't feeding on my blood," Caroline said confused.

"Trust witchy to not even become a proper vampire," Damon said turning to inspect himself in the mirror.

"What no, no, no I can't be a vampire," she screamed and Stefan was knocked back and Bonnie sped out of the door.

"Shit, the sun is out," Damon said as everyone collected themselves and ran behind Bonnie.

Bonnie ran away. She had never been a runner in her life but she felt like no one not even the truth could touch her. So she ran and when she hit the outside she was buffeted by the gale force winds that were trying to prevent her from running. The sun was out and for a minute she stopped running and looked up. It was so beautiful to her eyes. She could almost see the swirling gases that erupted from the star's surface. Then she felt the wave of heat hit her and she started burning. She never felt pain so searing and intense. Her skin cracked and bubbled as her blood spilled out. She was screaming one minute and then she was knocked to the grass by a heavy body and covered with something heavy. She was picked up and thrown into the coolness of the boarding house again. The pain didn't stop and she couldn't feel her body again. She wailed and the house shook.

She was a vampire.

Her mouth was wrenched opened and blood was being poured down her throat. It dulled the immense pain she was in.

"She isn't healing Stefan," Caroline said.

"Give it a minute," Stefan said. And a minute passed the blood stopped pouring out of her but the burns on her skin didn't heal back to their normal color.

"Kiss her Stefan," Damon said somewhere behind them. Stefan hesitated for a second and then placed his soft lips on her burnt dry ones.

She wanted to push him away but once she tasted what she was looking for she inhaled it. She saw two little boys sitting under a tree the older boy was teaching the younger one how to read by helping him sound out the words correctly. She pushed Stefan's face away from her and Bonnie could see the fire engine red light pulsing between them. She felt the skin grow back in the places she was burned and she felt…she felt…itchy…dirty and itchy. She cut off the light as she sat up and pushed Stefan away from her. The heavy cloth that had blocked the sun was Damon's jacket and it slid down her torso and pooled on her lap.

She had yet to notice that she was naked.

Stefan sat back against the wall and leaned his head back. Everything was quiet. The voices of the dead and the voice of the ripper were silent. He felt weightless. He only ever had this feeling when he was full on ripper mode. He could barely feel the muscles on his face from smiling. He heard the snapping of fingers in front of his face. He moved his head it felt like he was underwater and he blinked several times before he could focus on Damon talking to him.

"What," he managed to say.

"I said, you're acting like you've never been kissed before," Damon said helping him up off the floor.

"Why am I naked," Bonnie's voice suddenly rang out.

"Because you took off your clothes while you were in bed," Damon said not looking at her.

"And no one stopped me," she screeched.

"We couldn't, sweetie," Caroline said.

"Why couldn't you," Bonnie said exasperated as she stood up slipping on Damon's jacket and closing it.

"I don't know. We knew the second you woke up because the lights started flickering, the wind started making the shutters bang and then the candles flared—"

"And the fireplace," Damon added interrupting Caroline.

"On and then you groaned but you didn't wake up and we couldn't move. It felt like time had stopped and by the time you were fully awake you already had your clothes off," Caroline explained leading them into the living room.

Bonnie sat down on the couch and made sure the jacket covered everything and she let her head fall on her hand.

"But vampires can't use magic. You are caught off from nature," Bonnie said.

"Neither could you when the spirits cut you off till you found expression," Damon pointed out. He went over to the bar and poured himself a shot of bourbon. Not the cheap shit, this situation warranted the Pappy van Winkle. He rubbed the glass over his forehead trying to stop the headache from forming. He hadn't felt so old in so long. He felt every year of his hundred and sixty-seven years. The cure was gone with Katherine. Silas was still walking around fucking with everyone's head. Elena had no humanity and didn't look like she would be turning it on any time soon. Now the witch was dead and a vampire and it looked like she still had her powers; negating everything they thought was true. He always knew those judgmental self-righteous ecumenical whores couldn't be trusted to tell the truth about their own rules. When the hell did his life turn into an Ann Rice novel? No better yet, it had turned into that twilight shit. God if he started sparkling in the sunlight…he didn't want to think about it so he gulped down the glass and poured himself another one.

"How did I become a vampire," Bonnie said trying to search her memories.

"We have no idea but wherever you went you ingested vampire blood and large quantities of alcohol. And then you drove home. A deer hit you and rolled the car several times. You died on the scene. One of my mom's deputies found you and they knew you were the mayor's daughter. So they took you to the morgue and I guess that's where you woke up and attacked the morgue attendant," Caroline said.

As Caroline talked, Bonnie just kept hearing a voice say 'Come back tomorrow and I will gladly snap your neck'; a voice that had a similar accent to Klaus but was feminine. Then the memories flooded back into her mind. She had gone to Rebekah to ask her to kill her.

"That fucking bitch," Bonnie stood up so suddenly that it scared all of them. She started pacing around the couch.

"When I get my hands on that fucking bitch, I am going to kill her. I ask her for one fucking favor and she goes and betrays me like this. I am going pop off her head like a dandelion," Bonnie yelled and started pacing the other way.

"Who are you talking about," Caroline said timidly. She had always been the one that witnessed Bonnie's anger but this time was nothing short than scary.

"Rebekah," Bonnie said.

"Rebekah did this you," Stefan said.

"No I mean Yes. I mean I went to the Mikealson's to ask her to kill me—" and too late she realized what she had said.

"What the fuck did you just say," from Caroline.

"Are you kidding me," Stefan said.

"Bang up job on the failed suicide," Damon said looking into the bottom of the glass.

"Fuck you Damon," Bonnie spat.

"Well you kissed Barbie and Stefan, so if you're offering I could schedule you in," Damon said smirking at her. She stocked over to the bar and grabbed the bottle of Elijah Craig and downed about half.

"You couldn't handle it. You saw what I did to Stefan but if you want me to put you in a coma then I would be happy to help but without the gross touching," she said wiping a bit of bourbon that had dribbled down her cheek.

"But the gross touching is the best part," Damon said in a mock whine. This was new. They never bantered about sex. Whenever he said anything remotely resembling an innuendo she would call him a pig and resort to ignoring anything.

Caroline started to cry. "Bonnie how could you want to die," she said.

"It wasn't about you Care," she said walking over to Caroline and hugging her.

"Silas he was with me last night before Elena attacked me. He knew about my powers. He told me only he could help me in controlling them. He knew I was waking up to my house burning because when I was asleep I couldn't control them—"

"Jesus witchy you couldn't have said anything," Damon said.

"When Damon and to whom? Everyone had their own shit to sort out. I needed to solve this problem by myself. Last night I saw the future in my mirror. I saw that I was going to end up tearing down the veil to get Jeremy and my Grams back. I saw that I was going to plunge the world into darkness because I was a selfish bitch—"

"No you're not," Caroline said sniffling.

"Care, I am. I manipulated twelve witches into coming here and dying—"

"That was Silas and I was the one that killed them."

"But I was the one that had convinced myself that I needed more power and I was the one to call my mom knowing that Silas was manipulating me. Care, don't you see, me dying was going to happen but I was too chicken shit to do it myself so I went to the people who would gladly kill me without a second thought—"

"You and that fucking martyr complex you have," Damon quipped.

"You never had a problem with my martyr complex when it benefited Elena. So you can do me a favor and shut the fuck up," Bonnie growled at him and he saw her eyes glow silver in the firelight.

"Anyway, I went to Rebekah. We talked and drank for a few hours. She refused to kill me last night and told me to come back today, if I still wanted to die. That bitch must have slipped me her blood without me knowing and then she had the audacity to let me drive drunk. She fucking set me up…ugh," Bonnie said getting up from her kneeling position in front of Caroline. She started her rapid pacing this time around the coffee table.

"What has the world come to when we can't even trust our enemies to help us," Damon said getting up to get more bourbon.

"What would you have me do Damon? Tell me how were you going to help stop Silas from getting inside my head when I can't stand to be in the same room as you for longer than thirty seconds while at the same time trying to get Elena's humanity back," Bonnie said stopping mid stride.

"It didn't have to be me. If you had said something in the first place than Stefan, Barbie or the quarterback could have helped you," Damon said.

"And like I said everyone had their own shit to sort out and I really didn't know who to trust in case they were Silas in disguise so I did the one thing I had left. I needed to die to stop this ridiculous apocalypse."

"And what were we supposed to do about Silas without you," Damon said getting up and striding over to her and crowding her.

"That is the whole point Damon. I am a weapon. I am a weapon to my friends. I am a weapon to my enemies. So in order to stop being used, I as the weapon decided to die to stop a two thousand year old immortal from getting what he wanted. And don't mistake it Damon, I would have reached a point where I would have given it to him gladly," Bonnie said. And she meant every word. She wanted agency. She finally had the ability to make the right call and this time it wasn't for the sake of saving Elena, this time it was for the world. But she remembered what she had told Rebekah. She meant those words to her and she knew Rebekah was in the same boat but unlike Bonnie, Rebekah wanted the cure so she could be normal and forget but Bonnie knew she herself could never be normal and forget because the universe or the spirits would never let her go. She would continue to be someone's queen in a chess match and it didn't matter if she was on the black side or the white side. She was the piece that could wipe out the board and they all wanted to use her.

"You're right you are a selfish bitch because even when you're being selfless you couldn't be more selfish. Did it ever cross your mind what it would do to your friends when they found out you willing had yourself killed," Damon said in a low menacing tone.

"Of course I thought about them and I knew they would be alright and they weren't supposed to find out I had someone kill me," Bonnie said. Her tone was so callous that Damon for a second heard himself in her words.

"Bonnie, I wouldn't have been alright. Do you know I wanted to turn off my switch when I heard you died in that car crash," Caroline yelled.

"Care," Bonnie said softly looking around Damon to her.

"No but God strike me down right now for agreeing but Damon's right. We all would have helped you if you would have told us what was going on," Caroline said. Bonnie hurried to her and kneeled in front of her again and hugged her. Caroline was stiff in her tiny arms. She had never had so much anger toward her best friend, her sister. She had been mad at Elena plenty of times but never at Bonnie. She wanted to strangle her best friend and make her feel how much it had hurt her to know that she was dead and would never be around.

"I'm sorry," Bonnie said. Caroline started crying again and this time Bonnie joined her.

"Why couldn't you have trust me," Caroline said after a while.

"Oh Care it wasn't about that. You know how I am about these things. You've known me my whole life why would I change but I am sorry that I made you want to switch off your humanity and make you think that I couldn't trust you. I had a chance to win. You guys would have found some way to defeat Silas. I…I…just wanted Jeremy and my grams so badly that for just one second last night I thought that pulling down the veil wasn't such a bad idea," Bonnie said softly.

"I will forgive you tomorrow night after ice cream and chick flick movie marathon," Caroline said through her tears and they laughed.

"That's all well and good but we have bigger problems like the fact that you still have your powers and Silas is still walking around. So your little plan to get killed didn't really work and on top of that you don't feed like a regular vampire," Damon said.

"Well I wasn't supposed to come back from dead. Rebekah was supposed to kill me and then leave my body somewhere for someone to find me. I wasn't supposed to wake up in the morgue. I was supposed to wake up on the other side," Bonnie said from underneath Caroline's hair.

"Well whatever, the situation now is that you are some kind of vampire witch hybrid and you feed off of blood and some kind of energy that you draw out through your mouth," Damon said smirking. He definitely thought of a way for her to draw something out of him with her lips and it didn't involve kissing.

"You're right we have a lot of stuff to do and being in this town my eternity would probably end before it even began. Please tell me my dad doesn't know," Bonnie said getting up from the floor and starting up her pacing. The pacing made her feel better and her brain was less scattered and the hunger wasn't as burning.

"My mom went to your house before she came home and told me," Caroline said. Bonnie got up and grabbed Damon's cell phone out of his pocket and called her dad.

"Hello," he sounded tired and desolate.

"Daddy," Bonnie said.

"Who is this," he said angrily.

"Dad I need you to listen to me. It's me Bonnie, I'm alive."

"No my daughter is dead. Don't play games with me."

"Dad I died with vampire blood in me." He started crying. She started crying. She couldn't remember the last time her father had ever cried.

"Oh baby, where are you so I can come get you," he managed to get out.

"I'm up at the Salvatore boarding house but don't come please. I don't have control. I don't want to attack you," she said.

"Okay baby anything you need," he said relieved. Her dad was similar to Caroline. He would be upset and then he settled into planning and getting things done. She loved him but at the same time she resented him for a lot of things. When she got control again she and her father were going to have a long thought.

"Care is going to come by and pick some things up for me," she said.

"I was going crazy, baby. I thought I lost you and to something so stupid as drinking and driving," Rudy said over the phone.

"I'm sorry daddy," she said.

"Don't worry baby, you are alive and that's all that matters," Rudy said.

"Get some sleep daddy, I will call back when I'm able to come back home," Bonnie said.

"Bye baby," Rudy said and she clicked off the phone and put it back into the jacket pocket. She saw Caroline walk back into the room and clicking off her phone.

"I told my mom that you are now a member of the undead and I am going to go compel the EMTs and then swing by your place and get your clothes because if you haven't noticed you're still wearing Damon's jacket," Caroline said eyeing the jacket with disgust.

"Yeah I know. It's the only thing I can stand on my skin right now. Did anyone have the problem where certain fabrics felt utterly disgusting on your skin," Bonnie said passing her hand over the sleeves. No one answered and when she looked up at them they were gaping at her.

"What," Bonnie said. Damon got up and walked over to Bonnie and handed her a twenty. Stefan and Caroline just looked at him in confusion.

"I told Stefan a long time ago that if I saw something I hadn't seen before I would throw a dollar at it. I owed you a dollar for when you sucked face with Barbie and nearly desiccated her, the whole witch vampire hybrid thing, those creepy blue and green eyes and then the glowing sliver ones, Barbie actually agreeing with me and now rendering her completely silent with that comment. So there's a twenty because I don't think you'll be done shocking me over the next few days," he said grinning like an idiot.

What he really wanted to say was if his jacket felt good against her skin then he could take her into his bedroom and drape himself all over her and see how his skin felt against her skin. He bit his tongue on that comment. He turned around and headed again towards the bar.

"And suddenly I feel like a hooker and a cheap one at that. Thanks Damon," Bonnie sighed.

"Any time vitchy, just know you will always be my bottom bitch," Damon said winking at her from over his shoulder.

She growled at him.

"Stefan will you be extremely sad if I killed him," Bonnie said turning to Stefan who had been listening silently from the couch but was now laughing since Damon explained about the twenty bucks.

"Damon would know about that kind of stuff," Stefan said through his laughter that he couldn't hold in anymore. Bonnie smiled widely and was about to say something till Damon cut her off.

"What he means is that I would know about bottom bitches because I ran a whorehouse in the 20s up in Chicago till Stefan ate all my top earners. By the way thanks for that, you nearly bankrupted me," Damon said. A few seconds of silence descended on the little group.

"I don't know which is less surprising, Damon running a whorehouse or the ripper eating his girls and what does that say about me," Bonnie said sitting down again on the couch. Everyone laughed.

"Okay I will be back," Caroline said walking over to Bonnie and bending down to give her a hug, "is there anything specific I need to get you?"

"Make sure to get my silk robe and my lotion it's on the counter in my bathroom," Bonnie said.

"Ok, I will be back in an hour, two hours tops. Try not to kiss anyone into a coma," Carolina said over her shoulder as she headed towards the door.

"Don't be jealous Care you know I only want to kiss you," Bonnie's voice followed her outside.

"And there goes another dollar. Vitchy actually being funny," Damon said.

The three of them went silent.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N

Umm...so how about that premiere? The Bamon shipper in me almost died and had a heart attack. Then I went on the Bamon tag on tumblr and I have to say that the fandom collectively lost their shit. And I gotta say that there was a lot of salty people on there trying to give people high blood pressure. You know who they are but all I have to say is Haters are gonna Hate and it is my job to collect them because in the end these boots are made for walking and they will walk all over you.

Oh if you are on tumblr look me up nontimetismessorredqueen.

Anyway this is a little short because I didn't want it to get it out of hand.

* * *

Chapter 3

Once Caroline had stepped outside, the mood had been doused. Bonnie could have sworn she heard the bubble pop when the door closed. She sat on the couch. Stefan sat in the chair near the fireplace. Damon was standing near the mantle. All three were in silent reflection. She stared at the Persian rug tracing the patterns with her eyes. It was calming.

Why was she still alive? She had seen what would happen in the mirror and she wanted so badly to prevent it so she went to do the one thing left to her. She thought it would give her back the control she so badly wanted. Ever since the Salvatore brothers came to town, she felt as if her life had spun off its axis and she had no control on how to stop.

She often thought of her life like the graviton ride at the fair where you get in, stand against a slab and the machine whirls and you're pinned down by the g-force. Then when you think you've gotten a hang of it and you can move a hand or shift your body it starts spinning in the other direction. Then you look over and the fucking Carni is walking around as if the laws of gravity didn't apply to him. And the bastard would probably have a smile on his face as he watched people throw up. Fucking sadist, she thought. Wait what was she thinking about?

Right, she was thinking about her life. And that was the point. It was her life. She had gone to Rebekah with one simple request. But that evil bitch not only refused her but gave her vampire blood. Oh when she learned control and got out of this house she was going to kick Rebekah's ass up and down Main Street. She was going to break every bone in her body. No better yet she was going to rip her hair out strand by blond strand. Or maybe stick bamboo sticks under every fingernail and watch her bleed until she lost that suffering All-American look….Where the fuck did that come from?

Had she always had such terrible thoughts? Had she always been this angry? The only person she ever wanted to see suffer like that was Damon and when she had set him on fire last year that was end of that type of anger. She had let go of that black disgusting mire that was suffocating her but those thoughts had been so real just a millisecond ago. She could actually see herself rather clearly doing each and every thing to Rebekah. It felt similar to when she attacked Elena last night. She was happy to inflict that kind of damage on her friend albeit Rebekah had never been her friend. But existing in that red haze had been the one time since returning from the island where her brain and her magic had been on the same wavelength.

She wanted to show them her pain starting with Elena.

Caroline had told her that vampirism magnifies your qualities. What did that make her now having those kinds of thoughts? Was she so angry that she would let herself go into berserker mode or act like a dog with rabies. God, and what did it mean for the people of the town. Was she going to be a ripper like Stefan or a homicidal maniac like Damon where humans were measured in the amount of blood and entertainment they could provide? And what about that ridiculous shit of feeding off the energy of others or if it was energy at all; she remembered the memories that she had fished out from her two friends.

They were both happy not content but truly happy and she had wanted to feel that in her.

Oh my god, had she lost herself so much that she had become an emotionless sociopath where she was going through the motions of life and now as a vampire she fed off the emotions of others? No that couldn't be right. She was angry over losing the cure, sadness at having to relive Jeremy's death in her sleep every night. And she was pissed that another person had used her for their own insidious plan and she had come out losing; Emily, Ben, Damon, Jonas, Elijah, Jeremy, Stefan, Esther, the spirits, Shane and now Silas. Used, abused and thrown to the waste side or placed back in a pocket to be taken out only when she was needed.

_Sweet dreams are made of these who am I to disagree. _

The lyrics of the song floated in her mind. More like a never ending nightmare where she was the painted marionette and the manipulator depending on who made her dance to their tune could be soft and endearing or harsh like the banging of steel drums but no less on strings. But regardless of the skill of the manipulator, she always ended up with her strings tied up in knots and laid down broken in pieces. This is what her legacy as a servant of nature had led her to.

She wasn't a doll however no she wasn't nearly cherished like that. No she was a slave where her masters were enemies of each other and they considered her their chattel.

A red hot poker of anger pierced her drama woo as me pity party. She hated pity even when she was giving it to herself. It was disgusting to see that emotion in the eyes of others. She had lived with it her entire life.

_Poor little girl, a mother that left, a father that ran away to his job and a crazy grandmother._

Poor, poor, poor that is what she had seen in the eyes of others. Well not everyone. She hadn't ever seen it in Caroline, Elena or Matt. They had planted the seeds of strength in her with their love. She remembered now why she had sacrificed everything for them.

They were her family. They were hers to protect.

But how could she protect them now as a monster. Not just a monster but an abomination in every sense of the word. She had twisted herself into something the world had never seen before. She had crossed the laws of nature by becoming a witch and a vampire but how was that possible. When you died and became a vampire, you were supposed to be cut off from nature. She had been cut off from nature when she had crossed the line and tried to save Elena from becoming a vampire. She hadn't been able to feel the hum of energy that permeated the air when the spirits had been happy with her. Then Shane had come and provided Expression. The energy had been so similar to nature and the spirits that she had convinced herself that she had gotten back her mojo. But then she learned the truth.

Her magic had been fueled by the power of sacrifice.

The power had come from the energy of shed blood, overflowing emotions and torn souls. Expression had made her a vampire, a monster. The irony was bitter in her mouth. And now that she was a real vampire, she still had that hunger for the power that had been awakened in her. The bile from the hunger burned in her throat, made her mouth dry with thirst, compressed her lungs like she was drowning. Now that she was thinking about it, it flared and singed her.

But these thoughts god, her mind was acting like a pachinko machine.

* * *

One thing he could admit that Barbie was good at was as a buffer. The house was depressing and it wasn't the décor. When Barbie had left that effectively killed the mood. Judgy was such a damn kill joy. So she was a vampire now, big fucking deal, who wasn't. In this godforsaken town, it was bound to happen to most of the Scooby gang. But she had achieved something no one before her had ever done; she kept her powers. Albeit the freaky soul sucking thing was…disturbing but when the rules change you needed to tread water or risk getting swept away by the current.

So he watched her out of the corner of his eye.

He saw her hands clench and unclench in anger. He saw her lip curl in disgust; her eyes narrow and her skin pale. Then her hands started trembling. He didn't know which was getting to her more the hunger or the shock of her death.

Judgy was cracking up and he would hate to stake her.

He walked over to the bar again and grabbed a glass and filled it to the brim with the rest of the Elijah Craig. He then stocked over to Judgy and shoved her shoulder with the glass. She looked up at him with glassy unfocused eyes swirling with pain. He once heard that mismatched eyes were the sign of a witch or the devil or both he couldn't remember but as he stared he understood how truly unfathomable magic was and the terror it inspired. She had in and inspired terror.

He had known fear when he faced the union army during the Battle of New Market. The screams of his fellow V.M.I cadets had followed him and echoed in his brain when he went home. The Confederacy had won that time but Damon had lost his will to fight for a cause that meant nothing to him. He came home with one realization surviving or dying meant the same thing to him; pain. Then it was further refined into 'fear was pain', something he learned again in detail and in living color when he was a prisoner of the Augustine Society. But as he looked into her eyes there was nothing but terror there.

However, her terror hid something dark that was swimming underneath her like a leviathan; ancient and predatory. The ripper when Stefan was losing his battle with his blood addiction often swam in his eyes coming closer to the surface with each pass like that. But the ripper had never inspired terror in him. There was fear of course but that was geared towards what Stefan's guilt would do to him whenever he gained sobriety.

It was irrational really. He was a predator. He knew how the hunt worked and how his victims' screams sounded in his ears as their lives drained into his mouth. He had never felt like his prey. But that swirling darkness behind those terror-filled mismatched eyes sent a shiver through his body. He always knew that she had the power to end his immortal life but she would never dare because of Elena.

_But if Elena was horrible without her humanity how would Judgy be?_

She wouldn't really be Judgy anymore. On the one hand she would probably be a lot of fun but on the other she would be truly… awesome, not in a good way. Elena at the start of her afterlife had been a beautiful mess that he couldn't wait to wallow in but he knew that Vitchy would be a bubbling volcano all slow fire and heat but when she would blow her top, because that was the only outcome he saw, it would be biblical. And for the first time in concern to her, he wanted to protect her from herself.

He realized that he had been staring for a while when he noticed that her eyes had stopped being unfocused and focused their piercing intensity on him in confusion and irritation.

"Drink up, it manages the cravings," he said placing the drink in her hand. She made a noise of indignation as the drink sloshed over the rim and sloshed onto his jacket.

He guessed she really like the jacket. He smirked to himself as he walked over back to the mantle.

After a few seconds, "Bonnie I can help you contain it," Stefan said coming over to sit beside her on the couch. He noticed that she had been shaking from the hunger or the fear that had taken root in her body. He had recognized it from whenever he was drying out from human blood.

"Please Stef you saw how she feeds, what makes you think she could ever stomach bunny blood," Damon sneered before Bonnie could answer him.

"Stefan I will not hurt anyone," Bonnie said quietly ignoring Damon's comment.

"Judgy don't be unrealistic. We have all hurt humans, it's what we do—"

"Damon, she can't handle this right now."

"If there is one thing Judgy can handle it's the truth, Stefan. You can do this white knight in shining armor routine with Elena or Barbie but she has been around us long enough to know that a vampire will hurt and/or kill a human. Please name a vampire that hasn't...Don't worry I'll wait."

"Damon she doesn't need your ridiculous—"

"My ridiculousness? No little brother, she doesn't need yours because Judgy has just changed the supernatural rules and everything is about to go epic like Ragnarok or the Apocalypse. We have a two thousand year old immortal that can take on the face of anyone. We have Katherine running around with the cure god knows where. We don't have time—"

"According to who? You. If you haven't noticed Damon she died. I know it isn't hard for you to remember when you did. Not only that, she became a vampire without her consent. I know you remember how that was because you never let me forget it."

"That's why she is going to need my help teaching her con—"

"Control? Please don't make me laugh Stef. The last person who could teach her control is you."

"I taught Caroline."

"But that is only because Barbie has a crush on you and she was just tryi—"

"Stop," Bonnie growled. They stopped bickering and looked at her startled that she was still there. Stefan realized he was gripping Bonnie's hand hard and quickly lessened his grip on her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"How is either one of you going to help me if you two can barely agree on anything," she said. She ignored Stefan's apology because she had barely noticed his strength.

"And how are you going to even begin to understand what it is I am now? I don't even know what I am now. Something like me is not supposed to even exist and you two can't help me if all you are doing is sniping at each other," she said pausing because she realized she had raised her voice and cracked the Steuben glass and amber liquid was dribbling down her fingers.

"You know what till you two decide to act like grownups I want Caroline to help me. Let me know when she gets back or when you two stop being idiots," she said getting up. She turned and marched to her room.

* * *

A/N

So I looked up the Civil War and saw that the Battle of New Market was fought in May of 1864. I would imagine that Damon being from Virginia and his father being who he was would have sent Damon to the Virginia Military Institute after he left Harvard instead of outright making him enlist.

So that was Bonnie's theory on what she is. Next couple of chapters will probably have someone's theory including Katherine Lite aka Elena. I still haven't decided who Bonnie will end up with but I have something in mind.

And as always read review enjoy.


	5. Responses to reviews

Wow I am such an asshole. I forgot to thank you guys for your lovely reviews last chapter. Also I wanted to put a disclaimer on Pappy van Winkle Bourbon. That stuff is real Kentucky Bourbon and a bottle is extremely expensive. Also Elijah Craig as well. Glenfidditch is Irish whiskey and actually a favorite of mine and it is difficult to get here in Germany. So on with the thank yous and I have to say that I love you guys tremendously.

Ebony58: Thanks I hope I got him down correctly. Yeah those four interacting together is a secret hope for me even tho I am also a Stelena shipper but only in fanfics because currently on the show...not a good look.

Monroe: Thank you soooo much your review made me laugh on her response to Damon. In concerns to Beremy...like the great Lady Gaga and Sasha Fierce said "Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it it's broken, but you can still see the cracks in that motherfucking reflection." I would say I wouldn't waste my time with those seven years of bad luck. I actually do feel bad for Jeremy currently because let's say I fell into a depression over the death of my father and I wasn't unable to see him until 6 days before he died. I had no idea he was sick with Leukemia and I didn't find out till he was terminal and being overseas it was extremely hard to get to him. I watched him die in hospice and even now six months later the pain of his death hits me super hard. So I went through an extremely rough time to where I shut down and even stopped speaking to my family, my husband, my mother and I basically let my life go to shit. So I understand. However I did pick myself up because my father's favorite phrase was I will rest when I die so I know he is resting and at peace and that is enough for me. So in terms of Jeremy I think he needs to man up and listen to what Matt is saying to him. Lord knows Matt knows what he is talking about. Now in terms of OCs, it is a possibility especially in terms of the fact that witches and the spirits just like in the situation of Hope will not like the fact that Bonnie is what she is now. If you had an inbox I will totally ask for some OCs in those terms. Now you thing about daylight jewelry...you will have to wait and see.

APeaceofpie4everybody011: Thanks and I am sorry it took a long time to update the fourth chapter. I got caught up in my other story Homo Homini Lupus and doing research for my Eka-ge-kama series. I watched Wolf Lake with Paul Wesley playing a fantastic looking werewolf and I saw the actress that plays Isobel on there as his sister and I just couldn't resist the temptation. Also for your chapter 4 review thank you. I was actually doing research for another one of my fics because the main reason why I like the vampire genre is my love of history and I'm not talking about the big histories such as King such and such did this in that. I mean the hidden histories of regular people. The lives they lead and how they related to real life. That mostly springs from me having a bachelor's degree in Anthropology specifically in cultural anthropology. So for me vampires (if they were real) present a lens into those lives that those big histories gloss over and forget. Albeit there is the whole thing about observational bias but this is all hypothetical in essence.

babydoll450: I know such a shame. I have this great place in my heart for Kennett. However, I don't know if you heard but Kol and his actor are getting their own webseries in present time and not just in flashbacks. Apparently it will run alongside TO's version of Kol on the show you know the whole possessing warlocks and witches the Mikaelsons' have going on. Which reminds me I actually need to watch everything from the mid season finale of the first season.

babyfacedwurve: Thank you sweetie. I will try to get a few more out.

Cici G: Thanks in terms of Bamon that is still up in the air. I do however love the drama they create with each other.

booklover88: Thanks I love sassy Bonnie because well sassy people are the best. As for your question in terms of character knowledge (DnD i know), everybody is operating in of hybrid because their only example is Klaus and Tyler right now. And like she said at the end of the fourth chapter, there has never been something like her before. But like Damon fears Bonnie might be the apex predator both new and ancient.

darkeyesgirl: Thanks I like looking in the spaces in between but I can't take credit because this is an amalgamation of many different fanfics out there. I am a huge Bamon shipper and their personalities are just so huge in my mind that they tend to overshadow everyone else.

Bluerose41: Thanks I do like their interactions and I wish the writers would allow all four to deal with the issues that they have with each other to get to a point where they can interact and not have it revolve around the life or undeath of Elena. Take for example the issue of Caroline and Damon. Damon needs to make amends to her and own up to the fact that he did rape her. Stefan and Damon need to apologize to Bonnie for what happened to her mother and that disgusting coin flip. And then the issue of Elena needs to be brought up between Stefan and Damon. And finally all four need to face the issues that they have with themselves. That includes Elena in that because she has become a reflection of herself distorted by cracks, smudges and blood.

brynn brigham: I am going to answer both your reviews here. Thank you very much, I am glad you liked my version of Bonnie. And no it isn't wrong that you want Bonnie to torture Katherine Lite. Putting some more fear into no humanity Elena would have probably eliminated that abomination of a 5th season. As of right now I am on the outs with them as well. When that bitch said thank you to Damon's hallucination for saving everyone...I stopped the video put my tablet down and went outside to let my dogs out and started yelling like a crazy person. Mind you here I am cursing and yelling in English and Spanish into my German neighborhood. I'm pretty sure the Russian family next door think I'm crazy. Then I realized I don't need to get my blood pressure up like that. The characterization of Elena in the book series was what attracted me to the series in the first place way back when and it showed the evolution of someone selfish into someone selfless. In the tv series, it took a good person albeit somewhat of a Mary Sue and turned her into someone I just want to strangle and made me appreciate Katherine of all people especially during the death of her daughter and both of her death scenes. Not to mention the fact that she is mourning Damon more than her parents, Jenna and Bonnie. Anyway wow sorry about that rant. Anyway you will see interaction between no humanity Elena and Vitchy.

voicegirl: Thank you very much and I hope you like the 4th chapter.

Scimitar X: I know that would have been an awesome concept but I'm not a hundred percent sure Bonnie would have transitioned and probably would have died like Bill asking to respect her decision. However with that being said, I think Jeremy if he was alive during this hypothetical situation would have probably forced her to transition, he probably would have seen it as a way to at least keep one of his girlfriends alive. And depending on if this was during human Elena story line, she would have respected her friend's choice however if this happened during a time Elena was a vampire then she would have forced Bonnie to transition. Vampire Elena is very...intense like that. Caroline would have never forced Bonnie to transition Stefan and Damon would never dare even if it was for Elena. Wow if anyone wants to use that as a basis for another vampire Bonnie story by all means go right ahead. And Damon is Damon. He is all about that carnal knowledge and even dating Elena would not hamper his imagination.

Nethy and Guest: Thank you for your reviews. I like those pairings a lot especially as brotps but romantical is just as awesome.

Guest: thank you for stumbling in hope to see you stumble in again for later chapters.

darkeyesgirl: yeah the episode take an Alkaseltzer for the stomach pains it induces if you do watch it. However those last 47 seconds I have to say were awesome. It was like when Oliver told Felicity, Slade took the wrong girl. Heart palpitations and everything. Anyway I haven't decided it will end up being Bamon. I just know how it ends in my head.

mrs anitra: Ma'am thank you. I strive to make people laugh. I actually got the inspiration for that from Being Human American version when Aiden got that dvd and I just remember thinking Eww god Vampire porn no thank you.

Jenny: I have to agree with you because my Bamon shipper core loves to see the avenues of the relationship between Bonnie and Damon. Hmm...Damon is the best one to teach her control because he does know how to moderate himself in terms of feeding from the vein better than anyone. And yes they understand each other but remember Damon isn't her favorite person right now so she would probably drag her feet in terms of allowing him to help her. Because we all know Bonnie is not a person that asks for help and only allows people to help her when it is necessary. Stefan can help her as well because he is great in the sense of Do as I say not as I do because he is the poster boy of binge-ing and purging merry go round vampire sobriety. Caroline is Bonnie's best friend and probably the best adjusted vampire especially in the current short term because as from the season premiere Caroline is now facing the reality of eternity without her friends. But we are talking about in terms of this story, Caroline is just so structured that Bonnie would be inclined to ask Caroline for help in reconciling her nature with the world. Steroline is another one of my ships that I love in my heart soooo it depends if I want to redeem Elena or not.

So thank you everyone that reviewed. I hope to see you next time.


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